reflections from mamas of multiples: surviving the first three months with twins

I am excited to share with you a new monthly (or bi-monthly, if I can swing it!) series on the blog: Reflections from Mamas of Multiples. 

This  month, I asked four of my trusted twin mama friends to weigh in on this question...

What main strategies did you use to survive the "fourth trimester" (aka months 1-2-3) with infant twins?  What couldn't you have done without during that time?

Response from Laura, mama of boy/girl twins, aged 2.25 years:

Accept help. Just take it. I am a proud person. I like things the way I like them. Time and money (or lack there of) were my two biggest fears about having kids. When we found out that we were having two, I doubled up. So, I had a very stern chat with myself. Pretty, matchy things are not important. How someone cleans your dishes or cooks you food is much less an issue than it simply getting it done. Roll with it, lady!

As soon as friends got the word, the hand-me-down floodgates opened. I had car seats, clothes, cribs, rocking chairs, breast pumps knocking down my door. We had to buy very little. And, the charming finds in every bag made up for the occasional dud.

I felt possessive of my maternity leave. Did I really want people all up in our space for weeks on end? YES! Not everyone can sooth a crying baby but anyone can make tea and flip the laundry. Some days, that’s what you need most.

When my babies were 2.5 months old, I broke my wrist. It was devastating. The local birth community rallied around me. For one month, moms that I had never met made us home cooked meals three nights a week. I didn’t love every meal but that generosity was a singular beacon of light.

There’s no room for pride with twins. Take any help you can get. It will free you up to appreciate your amazing children. Or maybe just get some sleep.

*********************************** 

Response from Kim, mama of boy/girl twins, age 10 months:

The 5 S's in the Happiest Baby on the Block worked with my babies.  They appreciated the swaddling and swooshing in the ear, especially.

I doubt that I could have managed on my own without my mom and my husband during those three months.  Food prep and laundry were their collective jobs.  I just didn't have the time or energy to will myself to complete these tasks. 

Nursing in tandem using a breast pillow worked for me.  Sleeping when I could sleep was really helpful.  And keeping a food/nursing diary helped to find out what foods to avoid - my son was dairy and brassica intolerant for a while.

***********************************

Response from Betsy, mama of fraternal twin girls, age 2.5 years:

We took a hiatus from trying to accomplish anything regarding our household or professional lives. When we were happiest and most at peace, we organized our days so that everyone got to sleep and eat and play as much as they needed to in order to remain sane. 

***********************************

Response from Sue, mama of identical twin girls, age 2.5 years:

1. First and foremost, we created a rotating schedule of family and friends, who came and stayed at our house throughout the first 3 months. We prioritized this kind of help from those who we knew would be most up to the task (i.e., able to cope with extreme sleep deprivation, realizing that we would not be cooking for them [ever], likely to do necessary chores without us having to ask, and understanding that we were not going to be at our best). We also accepted any and all help that was offered from other people. If someone said that they’d like to bring us food, we thanked them and asked them when we could count on the delivery.

2. A hospital-grade pump was also indispensable. It allowed me to quickly increase my milk supply so that I was able to feed both of our girls exclusively on breast milk. (Of course, this won’t work for everyone, but I think it probably helps in increasing supply above and beyond what it would be otherwise.) In addition, this allowed my husband (and anyone else who seemed even remotely interested!) to help feed our little milk-chugging machines.

3. Zoloft. I won’t lie: this was key.

4. Reassurance from more seasoned twin moms and dads that the “fourth trimester” doesn’t last forever, and that the day would soon come when we felt indescribable joy and good fortune to have had twins.

***********************************

If you are the parent of multiples, feel free to leave your answer to this question in the comments! 

My hope is that this is the beginning of building more community for parents of multiples via this multiple realities blog, and to provide useful insights and information for parents, especially moms, of twins and other multiples. 

If you'd like to weigh in on future questions, please email me and let me know!

Comments

[Tracey]

Thanks for adding this new series. So looking forward to learning from those with experience. Having just finished a rough first trimester with twins, and thankful for a change in perspective that has come with a less rough 2nd trimester, I'll admit I am nervous about what the next 2 trimesters (and beyond) will bring, but so thankful for folks like you wanting to create a community of support to get through it.